Control?
From a purely human stand point, yesterday was simply out of control. Friday night we noticed some swelling in Nicole's left ankle. We are very alert to swelling since Nicole is a high-risk patient for blood clotting. The body was designed to be in motion and when it isn't, bad things tend to happen. So, yesterday morning, as I was out having coffee with a friend, Luella called the doctor. The doctor's immediate respnse was that we should get Nicole to the hospital as soon as we could so that they could ultra-sound her legs for clots. Because of Nicole's injuries, she has to be transported in an ambulance, so I got the call that Luella had to wake Nicole up and tell her that the ambulance was on its way to take her to the hospital. (Not the way anyone wants to start the day!) Since Saturday is an important day for the gallery Luella directs, I rushed home and changed my clothes, went to the emergency ward, got the gallery key from Luella, and rushed down to Old City Philadelphia and opened the gallery. Meanwhile, Nikki and Luella were at the hospital waiting for tests to be done to see if she needed to be admitted or not. Because she had to be transported and had to wait to be seen, Nicole was not able to take the medication she needs to escape the pain of her injuries and began to experience severe discomfort. Thankfully, her tests came back negative and Nicole ended the day back in her bed at our house.
Its hard not to look at the day as a day of futile activitity accompanied by needless discomfort. You can't honestly look at the day and make sense out of it. By the end of the day, we were all emotionally and physically exhausted. You want to ask why, because this kind of day offends your sense of rationality and control. We tend to think of life as being secure when we can understand it and when we have it under control. Suffering transports you beyond the boundaries of your reason and your control. It forces you to respond to what you do not understand and to react to what you did not plan. It frustrates our love for comfort and ease. It denies us the order and predictability that we tend to expect. Suffering doesn't submit to our desires and it does not cooperate with our plans. Suffering is a kidnapper that comes into our lives, blindfolds us, and takes us to where we do not want to be.
But suffering is not just a kidnapper, it is also a teacher. Suffering teaches you that life in this broken world is frought with danger. It warns you that physical things are weak and impermanent. It points you to the fact that there is little that you actually control. It instructs you as to where reliable comfort and sturdy hope can be found. Like a patient teacher with a resisitant student, suffering pries open your hands and asks you to let go of your life. Suffering invites you to find security, rest, hope, and comfort in Another, and in so doing, assaults the irrrationality of personal sovereignty that is the delusion of every human being. In that way, suffering is not just a kidnapper, and not just a teacher, it is also a liberator. Suffering frees us to experience a deeper comfort and hope than we have ever had before. The problem is that we don't always want to be free. Even in difficulty, we fight to retain what suffering shows we didn't have in the first place.
Pray that we will not fight, that we will be good students, and that we will celebrate our freedom even in the midst of exhaustion and pain.
posted by Paul D. Tripp @ 6:43 AM
5 Comments:
Our message in church this morning was on Mark 4:35-41. I see you guys in the storm and I see your faith and trust in God through it all. You are all still in my thoughts and prayers.
Our choir sang "Total Praise" this morning at church and I could not help but think of the peace that we all look for in the midst of the storm. My thoughts while I was trying to follow our music director wandered to Nicole and your family, Paul. Here's hoping that today on the Lord's Day that He grants you that peace and comfort as you fix your eyes on Him.
Paul, you don't know me, but I'm at Chesapeake Community and have heard you speak many times and have read some of your books. (Most recently attended the "Lost in the Middle Seminar. My husband and I have 4 kids--3 teens and a 4 year old.) Our family is praying for yours. I cannot imagine pain this bad for either of you. I did rupture all my pelvic ligaments in a freak childbirth experience four years ag, so I am only a little familiar with that wild out-of-control-this-shouldn't-happen" feeling. I will never forget the pain and suffering, but greater than all of that was the sweetness of God's presence and his very tender compassion through both His spirit and human hearts and hands. A friend told me the day I came home (by ambulance, as I couldn't walk) that one day I would look back at this time as a gift from God. I cried hard outwardly at that; inwardly I screamed, "You've got to be kidding me! YOU take this helplessness and pain, YOU try having someone else change your clothes and wash your legs, YOU deal with being on your right or left side only--for weeks on end, YOU try not being able to unload your own dishes, or rock your baby because it's impossible to sit in a chair." But you know, the communion Jesus and I shared day and night (and mostly night, when there were no distractions and little human contact) He was closer than skin to me. I remember one night wondering if my tears were wasted, but then I remembered the scripture about how He collects all our tears in a bottle. I asked HIm to take all my tears that He had collected in a bottle and pour them like a balm over my whole body. Such a comforting balm came over me that I dozed off into the soundest sleep I'd had in recent memory. I pray that prayer for you,Luella, and Nikki right now, that all your tears from God's bottle (and his bottles are BIG, you know) would pour over you all even now, over Nikki's body and spirit, over yours and Luella's and Nikki's siblings who are no doubt crying, too. Peace to you, our dear brother in Christ.
Mr. Paul (and Family)-
Your testimony in this time speak volumes! Like Zoanna, I go to Chesapeake Community. You probably know (or know of) my parents- Mark and Carol Turek.
You said something in your last post that really struck me:
"All this means that we have to be committed to the long haul."
Being in the long haul I can say how sweet it is to see God's hand at work through immense trial.
Romans 8:26-30 "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified."
Psalm 27
Of David
The LORD is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked advance against me
to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.
Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.
Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.
Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations.
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
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